A Note from Our Sponsor and Boys Do Lame Stuff

This week I had a few issues pulling me away from the blogging world, mainly graduate school (do I really need more reasons?); new confusing software (I attempted to follow an online tutorial--big mistake); and donating blood (trauma of my life--pics posted below).

It has been mentioned that the tag 'boys do lame stuff' shows up on a lot of posts, and I have explained that this is mainly because most of the story submitters are girls. But next week, and part of the following week, there will be a special series of posts all sent in by boys. (Well, actually, all the stories so far are from just one boy, but I may twist the arms of a few others to get some more good posts.)

Anyway, don't forget to check out next week's series of bad date stories from the ever-entertaining male perspective. And though the 'boys do lame stuff' tag does apply in several places, I have refrained from using it.


So here are pictures of my arm after some serious blood donation trauma. It looks worse in person. The really dark spot is the lovely color of grape juice--and just so you know, I do not bruise easily. Thanks, Red Cross!

I donated on Tuesday, and the picture on the left is from Thursday.





The picture on the right is from Friday--still pretty sad.

This was my first and last time giving blood.

A Date without a Doorstep Scene

Tales from the life of the Keeper of the Blog

One night, at the end of a date, a boy dropped me off at my house.

And when I say 'dropped off,' I mean he stopped the car and just waited for me to get out. It was like we hadn't even been on a date, like we just happened to be going to the same concert that night and decided to carpool.

I have never been a fan of the doorstep scene, but can I tell you, the 'drop off' is worse. True, you avoid all decisions about whether or not to engage in super awkward post-date physical contact, and you skip the painfully long 'I had a great time' conversation, but walking yourself to the door after a date is just lame--I mean, if you're a girl--I guess guys do it all the time.

At first, I wasn't sure what was going on. He stopped the car in front of my house (not in the completely empty driveway?) and just sat there. So I sat there. I said a few "thank you's" (which I actually did mean because the concert we went to was completely awesome) and then sort of waited. He didn't move. So I put my hand on the door handle. He didn't move. I opened the door part way. He didn't move. I opened the door the rest of the way. I looked at him, waiting for him to say something, do something. He did nothing. I set one foot out the door. Still nothing. I got all the way out of the car. He was a statue.

"Well, goodnight," I said.

"Goodnight."

I shut the car door and walked across my lawn. It was dark outside, and I generally avoid going out by myself in the dark--it totally creeps me out--but apparently a date is no guarantee that you will be safely escorted to your front door. So I got to my porch, pulled out my keys, unlocked my door, and walked inside, still a little stunned. I looked back, and he was already gone.

Creepy Weird Clueless: Part 2

Friday evening came. I was in my apartment alone and contemplating not answering the door, and leaving my phone on the kitchen table, in view from the front window, and not answering that either while hiding in my room. But I was too nice, and answered the door.

We got in his car and he informed me that he needed to stop at the bank inside Albertsons to make a withdrawal. He parked in the Albertsons parking lot and went in, I stayed in the car - contemplating if I should get out of the car and run like mad. But again, I was too nice to ditch out and I stayed.

Next we went to his apartment and made a cake for the group date, but he didn't have any frosting, so it was plain cake in a metal pan. Actually he made the cake, while I sat in the living room watching TV with his roomate. After that we got in his car and drove to his work. He worked for some medical transportation company, they would drive old people from their home to the hospital and back. He told me that he needed to pick up a patient and take her home. He got the keys to the big work van and we got in. We drove to the hospital where we waited for half an hour for the old lady to finish dialysis. When she was done, he wheeled her out to the van and loaded and buckled her in. He introduced us, slightly awkward. We drove to her house and I sat in the van as he unloaded her and took her in. We drove back to his work to switch back to his car.

Now the date actually begins. We drove to Devin's house, the guy who put together the group date. We brought the cake in, and everyone thought it was so weird and they just put it aside. We ate pizza and played card games, after which we went downstairs to watch a Halloween movie. As soon as the lights went out he was all over me; trying to cuddle with me, laying on my lap, sitting so uncomfortably close. I painstakingly waited for the movie to finish. When we were leaving he noticed no one ate the cake so he cut half of out and left it for everyone to eat later. We got in the car and he proceeded to drive me home.

We get to my apartment, he opens my car door, I step out and he tells me to bring up the cake so we can eat some. We get into my apartment, none of my roommates are home. Steve and I sat at the table talking for a long time. I really wanted him to leave so I stopped talking as much, giving as short as possible answers hoping he would get the hint. Nope. One of my roommates finally came home, but went straight to her room and closed the door. Thanks for the privacy. I stood up and walked towards the door, Steven followed, but then stopped to continue blabbing.

After a while of that I finally opened the door and went outside, he sat on the steps and continued to talk my ear off, forever. Like he was stalling cause he probably wanted to kiss me or something. Sick. Finally I just told him that I had to get up really early the next morning (which was a complete lie). So he hugged me and left.

A few days later he called and invited me to do something, to which I declined and told him I was too busy (complete lie, I learned my lesson the hard way). The next few days he continued to call, all of which I ignored and did not answer. After a few weeks he quit calling. Fast forward to New Years Eve. I was out shopping with my roommate, and guess who calls, Steve. Of course I did not answer. He left a message asking what I was doing and wishing me a Happy New Year. Whatever, he wanted a New Years kiss and he wasn't getting one.

A while later I was talking with Carrie (who knew the whole date story and phone calls). She told me that Steve had talked to Doug saying, "I totally don't understand why she's not answering, I thought our first date went so well". Doug then informed him of his wrongs. Hopfully Steve has learned his lesson.

Just Ask Her Out

I loathe blind dates. But, when my friend really needed someone to double with her, I agreed to appease her. The boy was nice enough and seemed genuinely interested in me. We went to a performance that included multiple clips from musicals. I thought it was ok, but my date seemed to think it was amazing. Especially during one particular piece - he sat on the edge of his seat watching the female lead singer intently. When it was over, he enthusiastically applauded. During the intermission, he mentioned that he knew the female singer he had been gazing at so fervently. I tried to seem interested as he told me their entire history, though I admit I remember nothing of the details. I think they grew up together. Anyway, he kept talking about her during the whole intermission. Then, right after the performance, he excused himself for a few minutes.

When he returned, he seemed very pleased and made no attempt to hide the fact that he had gone to talk to his old friend. He continued to talk about her and how great her voice was. I began to feel a little like a third wheel, even though she was not with us. We went to my date's apartment afterward to play games. When they decided we should get ice cream, my date volunteered (since he had a car) to run get a few half-gallons. By this time, I was reluctant to spend more time with him than necessary, but my friend convinced me it would be rude if I didn't go with him. So I did.

Guess what he talked about? That's right. His old friend. He even described to me in detail what she had said when he talked to her after the show. Then, get this, he asked me if I thought she might be interested in him. Trying to be positive, I said she probably was. I even sarcastically added he should definitely ask her out. That is when he mentioned he already did. After the show. Yes, he asked her out while he was on a date with me. I decided not to worry anymore about what he might think of me. He obviously wasn't worried about what I thought. Rest of the evening? Well, I am sure you can imagine.

This Really Did Happen

Setting: It is July 3, 2005. I moved into a new apartment. It is my first Sunday afternoon. The phone rings.

Me: Hello.

Caller: Hello. This is Ryan. Is Mary there?

Me: Nope, sorry.

Caller: Ok. Is Emily there?

Me: No.

Caller: How about Kate?

Me: No. I'm the only one home actually.

Caller: Well, who is this?

Me: This is Rachel. I just moved in.

Caller: Oh. I met you in church today. Right before Sacrament meeting. What are you doing tomorrow?

He was looking for a date to go to his FAMILY REUNION on the 4th of July. UMM . . . no. Luckily I had plans.

Two weeks later he calls on a Tuesday evening to see if I want to go play laser tag on a Saturday night. I figure everyone deserves one chance (unless they are a creep), so I said yes.

Friday, the day before the date, he calls again.

Ryan: You aren't by chance endowed are you?

Me: Nope.

Ryan: Oh. Well the reason I asked is because I just found out my cousin is getting married tomorrow, and I was going to see if you wanted to go. Do you care if we go to their reception for our date instead?

To your cousins SEALING? The RECEPTION?

Me: You know, I have a work party, so I'll just go to it, you go to your reception, and we can go out another time.

Nathan: Oh! I'll go with you. Then you come with me. We'll do both.

(Note to single boys: your cousin's wedding reception is NEVER a good idea for a first date.)

This story gets better.

So we get to my work party and, of course, I'm feeling very awkward. My friend Chris, who I can tell is going to tease me about this later, says:

Chris: So Ryan. What are you studying?

Ryan: I'm studying computer science, but I should be doing public relations.

Chris: Yeah, because people that do computer science generally don't have very good people skills. (Snicker Snicker)

NEXT, we get in the car and I ask: Where is this reception?

Chris: Oh. It's in Bountiful.

BOUNTIFUL?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING????
BOUNTIFUL IS OVER AN HOUR AWAY!

So we drive up and have awkward conversation. Then we get there and he walks me around to every table and introduces me to every single person.

"This is Rachel. We're on a first date."

Then he asks if I want to dance, while ONLY THE BRIDE AND GROOM are dancing and everyone else is standing around taking pictures and crying.

THEN! We drive home and he tells me about his health problems. One of which, I might add, include YEAST!

I didn't realize boys could have problems with yeast.

Then, thankfully, he dropped me off at 10 pm because he is never in bed past 10 pm.

The next two weeks were followed by random text messages that said, "Hey, do you want to go play catch sometime?"

Booted for Pizza's Sake

*This date story wins a gold star for badness

As freshmen in college you do stupid things. Or stupid things happen to you. Either way it's one of the well-known, unspoken rules that everyone must (or just plain does unknowingly) follow. Years later when you look back on it all--while some details may slip away--the big, fat, stupid, embarrassing memories seem to only get more pungent with time.

This just so happens to be such a memory.

In Britain they call it the boot to begin with. The trunk I mean. Keep this in mind, or nothing else in this story will seem wondrous... or you'll completely miss the pun in the subject line. One or the other.

*Mr. Beanpole was the crazy, funny, goofy one in his apartment. However, he was also the insincere, immature and somewhat awkward one as well. My roommates thought he liked me for a while. I don't have the slightest notion why they would think that. All he did was come over with his apartment for combined FHE and sing lyrics like "we should be lovers!" at the top of his lungs just three inches from my face. He was a classic flirt, but to me that didn't mean much in my direction. Turns out I was right when I answered the phone to hear this from him.

At first he stumbled along through a hello, mentioning that he wanted to know if one of us in the apartment--and it didn't matter who--would go with him to the planetarium that night. "You could call it a date," he said. He then emphasized again, "Anyone though, it doesn't matter who." (Seriously. If you want a girl to feel like a million bucks, say that you want to go out with her... not any one of the six girls in the house. Already I was not too impressed.)

So I laughed, played along with his flippant tone by saying sarcastically, "Oh, so you'll take anything that moves right?" I thought it a clever adaption of a Runaway Bride line. I mused, "I think there's a cat around here somewhere." He laughed back specifying that it had to be a person--a girl. So, being the kindest person in the entire world (forgive me I was a freshmen), I told him I would call him back when I found one of my roommates to go with him. In my mind I was thinking that was better option than having him hear how none of us wanted to go--me included. Being the clueless, but resilient (or desperate?) type he said that this was a really last minute thing, all his roommates already had dates, so he would be right over. Right over meant I had about thirty seconds to figure this out while he crossed the parking lot. Sure enough though, each of my roommates bailed so I ended up being the bait for the date. I should have bailed too, but instead I felt bad, grabbed my shoes and we left.

The planetarium show was already in progress. They wouldn't let us in since we were two minutes late. So backup plan B (that didn't really exist) kicked in: play "capture the flag" in one of the campus buildings. I hardly saw my date, but when I did he said things that were a little weird like how he liked watching me, wanted to hear me say that he was hot, or that he would be gracious enough to let me accept one of his kisses (appending that they were the chocolate kind of course--riiiiiiiiight). Interesting topics for a first date...

Later I got to talking to his roommate, *Texas, and his date, *Sandy, to avoid Mr. Beanpole's awkwardness. Turns out the others were better company. However that didn't stop me from getting nailed in the face with a pillow by that practically impaled my glasses into my brain later at their apartment. Or in other words, it hurt. The reason for the blow? It was "a game." I think it was because I dethroned Mr. Beanpole from being king in Scum. Take your pick.

As the date came to an end out in the parking lot, Mr. Beanpole's roommate, Texas, told me to stand still. Instantly my mind raced through what he or Mr. Beanpole could possibly be thinking to do. The options not being in my favor, I disapproved, and moved. One look at Sandy told me I had done the right thing. One look at the boys said that they too were quite disappointed. However, in a distracting conversation they spontaneously picked Sandy and I both up, and put us... in the trunk.

Yes. You heard me right. The trunk of the car. So much for chivalry.

Later Mr. Beanpole said he thought it would be a fun thing to do, but might have been a little awkward to have a girl and a boy in the trunk together. How considerate that he was thinking of things he could do that were not awkward. I mean driving around town to go get a pizza on the other side of town is the most natural thing to do… IN A TRUNK. Not comfortable no matter what way you do it. Trust me on this one. Getting out of the trunk in a public parking lot is a little embarrassing. People keep looking at you with wide eyes trying to make sure you're not being abducted or something. The boys graciously (insert a nice big eye roll here) allowed the two of us girls to ride in the back of the car.

Once back safe and sound on solid ground the boys tried to prank us with an empty pizza box or dropping things so that they "had to" bend over right in front of me as I'm walking behind him up the stairs. You know, to be funny. (Not very funny at this point, but at least we did get pizza out of it in the end. Nourishment does wonders when you're desperate to get out of there.)

When Mr. Beanpole finally dropped me off, he did not leave me at the door. Instead he decided that he wanted to come into the apartment to see how my roommates would react to hearing about the date. He wanted to see how girls "talk with their eyes without talking." Most likely our faces were a mixture of "deer in the headlights" and "utter horror" but he didn't seem to catch either sentiment. Honestly, I still don't remember how I described all this to my roommates. I mean, how do you tell people that your date (a FIRST date) locked you in their trunk? It's a little awkward...

The moral of this story for the girls: just say no. Really, letting them down from the start can't be as bad as this.

The moral of this story for the boys: put the pizza in the trunk--not the date. Please!

A Hand-Holding Break Up

I had been dating *James for about 6 or 7 months and I thought things were going really well. Then one day, James came to pick me up for some food and a drive. We went to get food, but James stood hesitantly in the parking lot, so I reached up to grab his arm and go in (I was hungry). James apparently thought I was grabbing his hand to hold, which at the time, I figured it didn't matter either way. We had a nice meal and afterward, James wanted to drive up the Alpine Loop (in the canyon). James didn't have the best navigational skills, so we ended up on a rather long and bumpy ride down a very dark, very unpaved road. We hadn't been having much of a conversation. In fact, I was rather tired, so I was laying back in the seat resting while James still held my hand. After several hours, James realized he had the wrong road. We turned back and made our continuing-to-be-silent way back to my apartment.

Just as we got there, he said, "Something was supposed to happen tonight."

Me, being the ignorant and still-in-love girl, I thought he meant he wanted to kiss me, so I said, "Oh, really?" all coy and knowing.

He looked at me and said, "Not that."

That was when he let go of holding my hand (he had been holding it for almost the entire night). And then proceeded to say that he didn't think we should date anymore. I was pretty shocked, since he had just been holding my hand and I hadn't seen any other clues or anything. He kept talking while I was silently stunned. He mentioned that he hadn't dumped me right at the beginning of our "date" because I had grabbed his hand. I decided not to tell him I was just trying to get him to go in because I was hungry. After he talked for a bit longer and I had told him I was ok (which, I wasn't) I got out of the car.

The best line of the night came then. He said, "So, I'll see you around?"

I looked back with a killer crusty and said "Probably not."

Then I walked inside and bawled my eyes out.

For guys: don't hold hands with a girl for several hours and then dump her and then expect to be all "see you around."

The Really Classy Guy

I went to Knott's Berry Farm with a good friend and met up with a guy I had been set up with a couple months prior. I had emailed this guy and we chatted on the phone and he seemed like a good guy. He even came to San Diego with a friend to do a session in the temple and then met me and a friend for dinner.

So while we're at Knott's Berry Farm he gets onto one of the rides and shuts the door in front of me and tells me I'll have to wait for the next cart. It was supposed to be funny. I wasn't thrilled. He then had to ask the people running the ride to unlock the door so I could get on.

The day goes on and he starts making jokes, I didn't find them funny and really wasn't liking the way this day was turning out. Shortly thereafter his friends convince him to ask a group of girls for their phone numbers. He comes back telling them he got all three numbers and that one was really cute. Well yeah, that ended that adventure. I promptly turned to my friend and told her we were going home. He tried running after us and I told him not to bother talking to me anymore. He tried calling a couple days later completely unaware that what he did was completely stupid. He never tried calling again.

Telephone Break Up

I had been dating a guy for about 4 1/2-5 months. Everything was going relatively well or so I thought. Then I got a phone call. Now really how many stupid guys dump girls over the phone????? That's really tasteless guys!!!!! The phone conversation went:

"How are you feeling?" (I had been sick the week before.)

"I'm doing great, how are you?"

"Well, I um... I um think we should be just friends."

Now trying not to sound too upset--which probably totally hurt him--but, oh well, he was the one doing the dumping so he had it coming to him, "Okay sounds good to me."

He went on to explain, but it was like blah blah blah and the usual and some stuff that sounded like he was trying to get me to cry, but I wouldn't back down, no, I was tough! We said goodbye, I hung up the phone and then broke down. Gosh, I was so good at holding it all in.

Well, I got over that one quickly. The next weekend I had a party at my house,, and we were all laughing about how I got dumped over the phone. Oh, yes, and the time that registered on my cell phone was 1 minute...how pathetic!