Bad Date Tip of the Week

Last week's bad date tip included bad questions you could ask your bad date. Of course, responses to the classic "What's your major?" can lead to other excellent queries.

To the music major: Commercial real estate or residential?

To the humanities major: What are your plans for eating in the future?

To the teaching major: Which book/film from your youth led you to the idealistic notion that you can change students' lives through teaching? To Sir, with Love? Stand and Deliver? Goodbye, Mr. Chips?

To the law student: Are you required to comprise your moral values as a student? Or does that come with the internship?

To the med student: What unhealthy lifestyle choices are you practicing which you would hypocritically advise others against?

To the science major: Did you have (human) friends growing up?

To the computer science major: Do you have (human) friends now?--I mean ones you see in person, not just people you play online game with or met in chat rooms about online games.

To the business major: Is the gold tie and blue dress shirt combo required for your program? Or do you all just shop off the same mannequins?

To the accountant: If I continue dating you, will you do my taxes for free? (If the answer is 'yes,' and it's between the first of the year and April 15, might be worth the pain of dating them.)

To the engineering major: (No further questions, you have already died of boredom.)

A 'Tribute' to Beethoven

Since the Beethoven post yesterday brought up the Trans-Siberian Orchestra's 'version' of Beethoven's 5th Symphony, I decided we should get to hear it. And, during my visit to YouTube, I discovered many many other excellent renditions.

CAUTION: If you are musically sensitive in any way, your soul may be offended by these videos.

(Also, some of the videos are long, because, well, it's a symphony, not some pop radio hit.)

Video #1: The Trans-Siberian Orchestra (TSO). Enjoy?



Video #2: Seemed semi-appropriate for The Blog.



Video #3: I have no words for this.



Video #4: This video is disturbing and makes no sense--make sure you catch the part in the middle where the kitchen chairs move unaided and the camera is dropped (to simulate an earthquake?)I actually recommend wasting 7:22 seconds of your life to watch the entire thing because it makes less sense as it goes on.



Video #5: Some music just shouldn't be restyled.



Now that you are sufficiently pained, visit the poll on the right to vote for the best--and by best I mean worst--Beethoven video.

Oh, and don't date people who abuse good music with bad renditions and weird images.

Beethoven

Jukeboxes are fun, but not for more than 15 minutes. I learned this from experience.

I was on a double blind date, and we had just ordered dinner at a famous Provo landmark: The Malt Shoppe. So far, so good. Then the jukebox caught my date's eye--he rushed over to put all of his life's savings in the machine, gushing that there were so many good songs to choose from. "Whatever," I thought, "I just hope they'll turn off the other elevator music coming over the restaurant's speakers." (They didn't.)

The dinner conversation consisted of my date telling us the title, artist, album, year released, genre, and history of each song he had chosen. Glares ensued if we didn't get trivia correct--"I mean, come on! Don't you guys know this one?!"

Fast forward a half hour: three of us were ready to move on to the next activity. My date, however, had other plans. "Wait, we still haven't heard all the songs I paid for yet!" We continued the "conversation," but this time without the distraction of dinner.

It finally got interesting when my date asked us, "Ok, guys, what's the best song--with lyrics--ever written?" We each gave a deer-in-the-headlights look and shrugged. Knowing by now he couldn't elicit a better response, he exclaimed, "Beethoven's 5th Symphony!" Now, I don't pretend to be any sort of music guru or snob, but I'm pretty sure that that "song" doesn't have lyrics, so I boldly spoke up. "Uh . . . sorry, but I'm pretty sure that Beethoven's 5th does not have words to it." He promised me that it did, and again I disagreed, until he retorted with, "The Trans-Siberian Orchestra plays it with words!!"

Ah. Excuse me, then--I stand corrected.

As cheap as they get . . .

I (age 21) just moved into a new apartment complex and, naturally, the most obnoxious 19 year old in the complex happened to notice me. We’ll call him Bob. Bob was notorious for trying to put the moves on all of his dates. So I was anything but ecstatic when he asked me out. Although being stuck in this situation was anything but lucky, fate kindly smiled down on me; his roommate decided to double with my roommate an hour before we left.

Because of this little change in plans, we had to leave later than expected since my roommate needed time to get ready. Leaving later meant another change in plans. No big deal. We attempted to go to this Indian restaurant for dinner, only to find it was no longer there. (And I later found out that Bob would take all his dates there and insist on sharing a meal because it’s less expensive that way.) So, instead we drove around for an hour trying to find a place to eat. Every time we drove past a restaurant he’d ask how much it would cost because he was worried about pricing. Finally we decided on a diner in Springville which averaged at $8 a meal. His last words before going in were, “That’s kind of expensive. I’m a poor college student!” Really?! If you’re that poor you shouldn’t offer to take a girl to dinner (because let’s remember that $8 a plate is NOT bad unless you’re going for something like Burger King). After that remark, I ended up getting the cheapest thing on the menu which was about $5. Then I was mocked for it.

After plenty of awkward conversations at the restaurant, we went to the Hare Krishna temple where Bob somehow bargained our entrance fees (because apparently $5/person is TOO much). We were there for about 15 minutes before we decided there was not much to do, so we left.

We headed back to Bob’s apartment to watch some TV. (Um . . . not a good date idea.) After some unsuccessful attempts at holding my hand, he decided to sit on me and tickle me. (Also not cool.) Bob apparently felt like our roommates were cramping his style, so he kept trying to get me to go outside with him to be alone; to, no doubt, try and hold my hand or something. I told him I didn’t want to go outside, so instead of giving up after a few “NO”s….he just decided to force me. He grabbed my arm and started trying to pull me off the couch. Because I was adamant about not going outside, I decided to go limp. Clearly, this too was not clue enough to stop. He dragged me across his apartment floor to the front door, at which time I told him I’d like to go home. Bob and his roommate walked us home, made some smart remarks about door step scenes, then left. Needless to say, he actually took a hint and never asked me out again! SUCCESS!

Doorstep Scenes Make the Date

After a date with a nervous, chattery guy (whom I had tried to put at ease the entire night), I found myself on the doorstep of my apartment. He quickly ended the conversation with, "Well, I guess it's customary at the end of a date to give a hug, so . . . " With that, he shot his arms around me and hauled my body into his, swiftly enough that I had about nanosecond to react--enough time, maybe, to blink in surprise. My face smashed into his chest and I stepped on his toes. I tried really hard not to laugh as he held me there for a moment, wondering if I should turn my face so I could breathe and/or step off his toes mid-hug.

That was the most memorable part of the date--awkward, yes, but definitely the highlight.