Bad Date Tip of the Week

If you're on a bad date, and you want to subtly suggest that things aren't going so hot, just bring up this blog.

You can say to your date, "Hey, do you ever read that bad date blog, Pass the Ice Cream?"

Whether your date says 'yes' or 'no' isn't really important--you're not that into them anyway, so you've probably stopped paying attention to their responses.

Then you can follow up with, "There's just something about this night that reminds me of that website. It just keeps popping into my head."



*Thanks to www.flickr.com/photos/tulipfleurs/2307884775/ for the great photo of ube ice cream.

The Really Classy Guy

I went to Knott's Berry Farm with a good friend and met up with a guy I had been set up with a couple months prior. I had emailed this guy and we chatted on the phone and he seemed like a good guy. He even came to San Diego with a friend to do a session in the temple and then met me and a friend for dinner.

So while we're at Knott's Berry Farm he gets onto one of the rides and shuts the door in front of me and tells me I'll have to wait for the next cart. It was supposed to be funny. I wasn't thrilled. He then had to ask the people running the ride to unlock the door so I could get on.

The day goes on and he starts making jokes, I didn't find them funny and really wasn't liking the way this day was turning out. Shortly thereafter his friends convince him to ask a group of girls for their phone numbers. He comes back telling them he got all three numbers and that one was really cute. Well yeah, that ended that adventure. I promptly turned to my friend and told her we were going home. He tried running after us and I told him not to bother talking to me anymore. He tried calling a couple days later completely unaware that what he did was completely stupid. He never tried calling again.

Telephone Break Up

I had been dating a guy for about 4 1/2-5 months. Everything was going relatively well or so I thought. Then I got a phone call. Now really how many stupid guys dump girls over the phone????? That's really tasteless guys!!!!! The phone conversation went:

"How are you feeling?" (I had been sick the week before.)

"I'm doing great, how are you?"

"Well, I um... I um think we should be just friends."

Now trying not to sound too upset--which probably totally hurt him--but, oh well, he was the one doing the dumping so he had it coming to him, "Okay sounds good to me."

He went on to explain, but it was like blah blah blah and the usual and some stuff that sounded like he was trying to get me to cry, but I wouldn't back down, no, I was tough! We said goodbye, I hung up the phone and then broke down. Gosh, I was so good at holding it all in.

Well, I got over that one quickly. The next weekend I had a party at my house,, and we were all laughing about how I got dumped over the phone. Oh, yes, and the time that registered on my cell phone was 1 minute...how pathetic!

A laptop is good for many things

This was a second or third date with *Ryan. The plan was to head up Provo canyon with some of his friends and their dates, cook tin foil dinners, and watch a movie on someone's laptop (because laptops make possible something as cool as watching a movie while up in the canyon).

It's a bit of a drive up the canyon, but we all made it, found a nice spot at one of the park areas, unloaded everything from the cars, and began prepping vegetables, etc. for the tin foil dinners. Then someone discovered that a crucial dinner element had been left behind - the tin foil. So, one couple left to drive all the way back down the canyon to retrieve the foil. By the time they drove all the way back up the canyon, it was dark. Assembling a tin foil dinner by the light of a flashlight was interesting.

I think we started watching the movie while dinner was cooking on the fire. I must say, it was not the most supreme movie-watching experience of my life. A laptop doesn't have great sound-projection abilities, and we were right next to a little stream, so Ryan and I couldn't actually hear the movie. A laptop doesn't generally have a large screen, and we did have a large group on our date, so Ryan and I couldn't actually see the movie, either. I had not previously seen the movie, so I really had no idea what it was that I wasn't able to hear or to see.

Part way through the movie someone checked the dinners (by the most excellent light of a flashlight) and decided they were done enough to eat. Having been raised by an extremely food-safety-conscious mother, I was hesitant about eating what I perceived to be more-raw-than-done meat. So I picked around in my tin foil and ate a few bites of not-so-soft vegetables. Yummy.

About this time the laptop battery ran out, which, of course, meant the movie shut off. Never fear though - the date planners had brought along a back-up laptop. Hooray. Now the movie which I could neither hear nor see could continue. The laptop switch was made and the movie was queued back up.

Shortly thereafter we heard a man speaking loudly into a megaphone, instructing everyone to leave the canyon. What? Yes, you see the canyon parks are closed after 10:00 PM. Lovely. Someone turned on the headlights of one of the cars so we could see enough to pack everything up. We drove back to Provo, to the real home (not the apartment) of one of the girls. I'm sure inside this home we could have found a lovely family room with a DVD player and a normal size television where we could have finished watching the movie (because who could end the date without at least finishing the movie?). But, instead the decision was made to bring out our blankets and watch the end of the movie on the LAPTOP while sitting on her front lawn.

In other news, Ryan and I are now happily married. :)

Third Wheel

*Billy had an important night. It was open mic night at the comedy club in Salt Lake and he wanted lots of support as he tried out new material. After asking lots of friends to join him, the only ones who could attend were his girlfriend, *Sally, and this story's author, *Kelly. Kelly had been friends with Billy for a long time, and wasn't worried about any awkwardness of being a third wheel. Billy was good at making everyone comfortable and like they belonged.

Things didn't get weird until halfway through the night, when Kelly glanced over to Sally, the girlfriend, and saw her white blouse unbuttoned about halfway down. Yes, halfway down. And she was wearing a black bra. 'Hmmm,' Kelly thought to herself, 'I guess it is kind of stuffy in here, but that's a little strange.' Did Kelly say anything about it? No. Why? Well, comedy clubs are kind of dark, and Kelly had a hard time opening her mouth about anything. Little bit awkward.

A little while later, things got more awkward. One of the comics stepped off stage and said 'Thank you' to Sally. She turned to Kelly and sincerely asked, "Why did he tell me 'thank you'?"

"Maybe because your shirt is unbuttoned," Kelly said, trying to be inoffensive. Alarmed and confused, Sally quickly buttoned up her shirt. 'That was strange, too," Kelly thought. Billy was only somewhat aware of this situation. He was either watching the other comics and taking notes (that's what hacks do), or on stage himself.

So what happened that night? Why was Sally confused at her unbuttoned shirt? Well, because she didn't do it . . . sort of. It wasn't until later that Kelly found out that Sally was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, which developed on account of pain from severe endometriosis. Billy knew but hadn't mentioned it. So it was another Sally that unbuttoned the shirt, and the actual Sally that, after being embarrassed about it, rebuttoned it, and maybe a few others in between.

Moral of the story: Third-wheeling is not for the faint of heart. That, or ask for medical and psychiatric records up front.