Beethoven

Jukeboxes are fun, but not for more than 15 minutes. I learned this from experience.

I was on a double blind date, and we had just ordered dinner at a famous Provo landmark: The Malt Shoppe. So far, so good. Then the jukebox caught my date's eye--he rushed over to put all of his life's savings in the machine, gushing that there were so many good songs to choose from. "Whatever," I thought, "I just hope they'll turn off the other elevator music coming over the restaurant's speakers." (They didn't.)

The dinner conversation consisted of my date telling us the title, artist, album, year released, genre, and history of each song he had chosen. Glares ensued if we didn't get trivia correct--"I mean, come on! Don't you guys know this one?!"

Fast forward a half hour: three of us were ready to move on to the next activity. My date, however, had other plans. "Wait, we still haven't heard all the songs I paid for yet!" We continued the "conversation," but this time without the distraction of dinner.

It finally got interesting when my date asked us, "Ok, guys, what's the best song--with lyrics--ever written?" We each gave a deer-in-the-headlights look and shrugged. Knowing by now he couldn't elicit a better response, he exclaimed, "Beethoven's 5th Symphony!" Now, I don't pretend to be any sort of music guru or snob, but I'm pretty sure that that "song" doesn't have lyrics, so I boldly spoke up. "Uh . . . sorry, but I'm pretty sure that Beethoven's 5th does not have words to it." He promised me that it did, and again I disagreed, until he retorted with, "The Trans-Siberian Orchestra plays it with words!!"

Ah. Excuse me, then--I stand corrected.