Email? Seriously?

Tales from the life of the Keeper of the Blog

One day, a boy asked me out via email.

He had my phone number--I had given it to him for non-dating, social purposes. And we saw each other every week at institute--except he didn't show up the week he asked me out.

We were both in our early/mid twenties, not new to the dating scene.

So I gasped in shock--and I mean a gasped audibly and sort jumped away from my desk--when I opened up my email at work on a Friday morning and found an invitation from this boy to go to a thing on the following Saturday (like 8 days later). It took me until Tuesday to recover enough to respond.

Do I even need to tell you that the date did not go very well?

Creepy Weird Clueless: Part 1

My freshman year of college I lived in an apartment south of campus. I had a couple of friends that still lived at home; they attended their stake singles institute. I had gone with them a few times during the summer and enjoyed it. October came around and the stake institute was having a Halloween party up the canyon in a huge cabin, combined with a few other stake singles institutes. My friends Carrie and Ellen invited me to come along. So we all went up to the cabin for the party, me, Carrie, Ellen, Doug (Carrie's brother), and Doug's girl friend Hannah. We were all having fun and enjoying ourselves. It was a really big cabin so sometimes we were split up. At one point I was separated from my friends for a little while.

When I met up with Carrie and Ellen again, this new guy Steve was with them. He seemed really (really really) friendly. I assumed he was a friend of Carrie, or Carrie's older brother, otherwise I probably wouldn't have talked to him. By the end of the night Steve got my number. Party ended, I went home. I found out that Carrie didn't know him, but he was kind of friends with Doug. A week or two later I got a phone call, it was Steve. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: "Hello?

Steve: "Hey it's me Steve, how are you?"

Me: "Good, how are you doing?"

St: "Oh I'm great. Hey I was wondering, are you doing anything Friday? My friend is setting up a group date and I'd like to take you."

Me: "Nope not doing anything on Friday, that sounds fun, I'll go."

St: "Oh great! I'm so relieved, you're like the sixth girl I've asked"

Me: "....heh..."

I should've told him right then that I remembered that I really did have something on Friday (when in actuality I didn't) just so I could have gotten out of the date that was reeking of potential awesome badness.

Just Ask Her Out

I loathe blind dates. But, when my friend really needed someone to double with her, I agreed to appease her. The boy was nice enough and seemed genuinely interested in me. We went to a performance that included multiple clips from musicals. I thought it was ok, but my date seemed to think it was amazing. Especially during one particular piece - he sat on the edge of his seat watching the female lead singer intently. When it was over, he enthusiastically applauded. During the intermission, he mentioned that he knew the female singer he had been gazing at so fervently. I tried to seem interested as he told me their entire history, though I admit I remember nothing of the details. I think they grew up together. Anyway, he kept talking about her during the whole intermission. Then, right after the performance, he excused himself for a few minutes.

When he returned, he seemed very pleased and made no attempt to hide the fact that he had gone to talk to his old friend. He continued to talk about her and how great her voice was. I began to feel a little like a third wheel, even though she was not with us. We went to my date's apartment afterward to play games. When they decided we should get ice cream, my date volunteered (since he had a car) to run get a few half-gallons. By this time, I was reluctant to spend more time with him than necessary, but my friend convinced me it would be rude if I didn't go with him. So I did.

Guess what he talked about? That's right. His old friend. He even described to me in detail what she had said when he talked to her after the show. Then, get this, he asked me if I thought she might be interested in him. Trying to be positive, I said she probably was. I even sarcastically added he should definitely ask her out. That is when he mentioned he already did. After the show. Yes, he asked her out while he was on a date with me. I decided not to worry anymore about what he might think of me. He obviously wasn't worried about what I thought. Rest of the evening? Well, I am sure you can imagine.

This Really Did Happen

Setting: It is July 3, 2005. I moved into a new apartment. It is my first Sunday afternoon. The phone rings.

Me: Hello.

Caller: Hello. This is Ryan. Is Mary there?

Me: Nope, sorry.

Caller: Ok. Is Emily there?

Me: No.

Caller: How about Kate?

Me: No. I'm the only one home actually.

Caller: Well, who is this?

Me: This is Rachel. I just moved in.

Caller: Oh. I met you in church today. Right before Sacrament meeting. What are you doing tomorrow?

He was looking for a date to go to his FAMILY REUNION on the 4th of July. UMM . . . no. Luckily I had plans.

Two weeks later he calls on a Tuesday evening to see if I want to go play laser tag on a Saturday night. I figure everyone deserves one chance (unless they are a creep), so I said yes.

Friday, the day before the date, he calls again.

Ryan: You aren't by chance endowed are you?

Me: Nope.

Ryan: Oh. Well the reason I asked is because I just found out my cousin is getting married tomorrow, and I was going to see if you wanted to go. Do you care if we go to their reception for our date instead?

To your cousins SEALING? The RECEPTION?

Me: You know, I have a work party, so I'll just go to it, you go to your reception, and we can go out another time.

Nathan: Oh! I'll go with you. Then you come with me. We'll do both.

(Note to single boys: your cousin's wedding reception is NEVER a good idea for a first date.)

This story gets better.

So we get to my work party and, of course, I'm feeling very awkward. My friend Chris, who I can tell is going to tease me about this later, says:

Chris: So Ryan. What are you studying?

Ryan: I'm studying computer science, but I should be doing public relations.

Chris: Yeah, because people that do computer science generally don't have very good people skills. (Snicker Snicker)

NEXT, we get in the car and I ask: Where is this reception?

Chris: Oh. It's in Bountiful.

BOUNTIFUL?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING????
BOUNTIFUL IS OVER AN HOUR AWAY!

So we drive up and have awkward conversation. Then we get there and he walks me around to every table and introduces me to every single person.

"This is Rachel. We're on a first date."

Then he asks if I want to dance, while ONLY THE BRIDE AND GROOM are dancing and everyone else is standing around taking pictures and crying.

THEN! We drive home and he tells me about his health problems. One of which, I might add, include YEAST!

I didn't realize boys could have problems with yeast.

Then, thankfully, he dropped me off at 10 pm because he is never in bed past 10 pm.

The next two weeks were followed by random text messages that said, "Hey, do you want to go play catch sometime?"

Wait--is this a date?

Submitted by B-52

I should have known. The fact that he was on the other end of that phone (yet again) should have clued me in. Alas, I am dense, and could therefore be tricked into going on a date with a boy I was completely uninterested in.

"Hey, some of our friends are hanging out tonight, wanna come?"

We're still friends, I thought. The talk was good, we agreed not to date, but he's nice and we're friends. Heck, why not?

And I said yes.

J showed up with two other guys in a four-door sedan. As I climbed in the back seat, friend A casually asked friend B how to get to B's date's home. Tactless as usual, I blurted out, "Wait, this is a date?"

. . . silence . . .

Friend A: "You didn't tell her?!"

As if it wasn't bad enough that I was on a date against my will, the evening had no redeeming qualities. The dates the other two guys had chosen were still sophomores in high school. Four years their senior, I had nothing in common with them. However, we did spend a fair amount of time getting to know each other in close proximity -- remember the four door sedan? Three guys plus their dates makes six people total. A four door sedan seats five. My date was thrilled with this result, as I was halfway on his lap the entire hour-long drive. Me, not so much.

The photos documenting the evening are on facebook somewhere. I'm always on the fringe of the group, trying to maintain a decent amount of space between J and me, with a fake grin plastered on my face, the two other 'couples' cute and cuddly. Standing in the cold at a soccer game, it's clear I'm having the time of my life.

Conversation topics for the evening:

"Um...which body type can pull off skinny jeans?" "They don't make you look fat." "Oh, good, I was worried."

"So, what's the point of this game? Trying to make fieldgoals?" "No, just goals. And you have to do it without touching the ball with your hands." "But how do they run and kick the ball at the same time?"

"Guys, Tide pens are such miracles. I just can't live without them, but I've never been able to figure out how on earth they work. Is it just some kind of white paint you're putting on your clothes?" "I think it's just straight acid." "Well, that's better."

Intellectually stimulating, no?

Finally, the game had ended, I had at least gotten a burger and root-beer float out of the fiasco, and we had driven back. I thought I was home free.

"We saved the best for last. Let's go up to make-out point and shine lights on steamy cars. Maybe we can get some good photos!"

The Boggle Date: Part 1

Tales from the life of the Keeper of the Blog

The date I refer to as 'the Boggle date' is memorable for two reasons: one, because we played a terrible game of Boggle (to be detailed in The Boggle Date: Part 2); and two, because it was the first time a boy asked me out in person--as opposed to over the phone--and I did not respond very well.

One weekday afternoon, *David, who lived in an apartment down the hall, knocked on my door.

David was genuinely nice person . . . but he was a little weird. At parties he sometimes sat in the corner of the room and sang tunes from South Pacific to himself. Whenever I passed him in our building hallway, he wished me a 'Happy Birthday.' Sometimes this happened two or three times in a single day. I told him he was making me old.

On this particular day, I did not invite David inside (because the boy I liked was already sitting in my livingroom), so we exchanged 'how are you's' at the door. Then he said, "Do you want to go out with me on Friday?"

But since I was, at that moment, totally focused on other boy, David's question sounded more like, "Fla fla fla fla fla?"

I was so caught off guard, all could do was stare--although it may have looked more like a glare--at this poor boy. About twenty seconds later I responded with, "Wait, what?"

"Do you want to go out with me on Friday?"

This time I heard the words, but it still took another ten or twenty seconds for the question to sink in. In the mean time, I continued to stare, open-mouthed, at David. I had heard of guys asking girls out in person, but it had never happened to me before, and I really just didn't know what to do with myself.

Finally, I answered, "Oh . . . um . . . sure. Yes. Um, yes. That--would be fine."

I'm certain that David felt very reassured and confident at that moment. And I felt like a jerk. For not inviting him in--I made him stand in the hallway outside my door (who does that?). For not paying enough attention to answer the question the first time--I've heard some guys have to work up a lot of courage to ask a girl out, and making him ask the question twice is just mean. And, finally, for not responding more enthusiastically, like I should have acted excited(?), happy (?), or at least nice(?) about the upcoming date--I should have said it would be 'fun,' not 'fine.'

I'm sorry, David. You are a nice person. I am moron.