Male Perspective: In a Pickle

Have you seen the Sandlot where the guy is in a pickle? Well I’ve been in a pickle. Somehow I went to watch movies with a couple of girls in the singles ward. I didn’t know them, I was just looking for something to do.

(Oh man I hate this story . . . but had it not happened perhaps my wife wouldn’t have become jealous and realized she had feelings for me.)

Somehow I was falling asleep, I was only half there when I ended up hand in hand with one of the girls. The whole time I am thinking what on earth is happening here? I told my best friend and my mom that I was in a pickle . . . this girl is making serious moves for me and I didn’t want any of it, but I figured if I was in the same situation I would want someone to give me a chance. What was a date and what wasn’t didn’t really make sense here.

At one point she informed me she had a child living with his dad. I still gave her the benefit of the doubt and was okay with the news. The next time I asked her for the story of where her child came from, and she said, 'Don’t worry, I was drunk at the time . . . '

RED FLAG! Ah, crap, do you see where this is going?

Next time she says, 'Yeah, I have a tattoo, too, is that going to bother you?' Well not as much as getting drunk resulting in a child.

The final straw: 'My divorce will be final in a week or two.' Well, that is flat out deceit . . . it was over after that. I thought breaking up would be hard, but after all this, it was a piece of cake!

Male Perspective: She-wolf

Then there’s she-wolf (sorry I was trying to come up with a nice name, but this is what she was).

I was trying to get a group of people together to go to the movies. I was not asking for a date, I was just trying to make friends and give me something to do on a Friday night. So the next time I went to FHE I was trying to get people to hangout . . . clearly not a date, nope not a date, can I make myself clearer, I don’t want to go on a date I want friends!

So I asked a bunch of people if they wanted to get together and watch movies/play games, etc. Somehow, by the end of FHE, I was expected to pick up she-wolf at a certain time for a date to the movies. I was doing my best to Abort! Abort! Abort! and I am sitting there thinking how does a sweet guy like me end up in a situation like this? I didn’t ask her in any way shape or form.

I think she asked herself.

I definitely did not ever say 'would you like to go to the movies with me?' --but somehow it ended up as if I did. Usually I look forward to dates, but this one I dreaded all week.

After the movie, I wanted to drop her off, but she said, “It’s only 10 o’clock we still have some time, how about we go to Denny’s?” Ah crap, how am I supposed to keep this conversation going? I enjoyed the movie--I didn’t have to talk to her then.

Luckily, this girl did all of the talking, I just had to sit and nod once in awhile. So we had hot chocolate, then I drove her home, and as I dropped her off she proceeded to recite me a report card for the night. “I think we have some good chemistry, we had good conversations. I had fun we should do this again!” And here I am thinking, Heck NO! The whole time I inch closer and closer to my car.

Bad Date Tip of the Week

We've already seen a lot of bad date plans on this blog, and it seems that any activity is good for a first date these days (a cousin's temple wedding, work, the ATM). And I feel like every time I turn around someone is suggesting that some random event would 'make a great date'--firesides, guest lectures at school, community fundraisers, etc.

So I've thought of a few good bad date activities myself:

• The dentist: what's more romantic than a teeth cleaning? You could bring your date along as a spectator to your own oral hygeine experience, or (even better) set up joint appointments.
• A job interview: dates and interviews are basically the same thing anyway, so why not combine all the most nervousy experiences of life into one great trainwreck of an afternoon?
• The pharmacy: (to pick up your prescriptions). It's never too early to share medical histories.
  
• A funeral: seriously, try it, and let me know how it goes.
• A blood drive: if I had brought a date with me to give blood last week, we would have learned very important information about each other. He would have learned how I respond to highly stressful situations; and I would have learned how he responds to people hyperventilating.

Male Perspective: Hazards of Dating at BYU

One time I happened to have concert tickets so I asked a girl out. As we were walking up to the theater she said, “People don’t ask me out much because I’m just waiting for my boyfriend to get back from his mission.”

Yeah, that date went over well. Really she could’ve told me that on the phone and I could’ve saved $10. It was dates like these that I realized the truest definition of dating is spending money on someone else’s future wife.

(By the way, this sort of thing happened to me a few more times. Ahhh, the joys of dating at BYU . . .)

Male Perspective: Another Bad Date Plan

One time I asked a girl out to go swing dancing. I knew she liked swing dancing, she went every week. There was a live band and a big dance floor, only problem was I didn’t know how to swing dance. Sometimes you have to look back at these things and laugh.

Male Perspective: Bad Plans and the Dangers of Texting

One time I wanted to take a girl to something more classy than a movie—I got a list of plays in the area and found one I had never heard of, but some reviews said it was funny. Big mistake.

We walked out after the first act. The F bomb was dropped throughout. And it was less funny than a Woody Allen film.

Strike 2-we went to the pier to get milkshakes at Ruby’s. After putting coins in the meter, we walked to the end of the pier only to find out Ruby’s was closed. So we headed to In-N-Out for milkshakes.

Our second date I asked her out via text message. She responded, but I didn’t get the message until 2 weeks later. I sent another text message asking her if she wanted to go out. She responded, “Sorry I’m seeing someone now.” And that was the end of that.

Male Perspective: Cooking New Stuff

So I thought I would give a different perspective on the whole bad date thing—being a dude, I’ve been the cause of most of the bad dates I’ve been on. But certainly not all of them!

So one time I decided we would make tacos for dinner. I don’t remember what we did afterwards—I just remember the tacos being a fiasco. Never attempt to make something you haven’t made before. We tried to make tortillas from scratch, and they ended up looking and tasting like a giant saltine cracker. My poor date was courteous and ate a bit, but I sure didn’t score too many points there.